I think I like pain. It’s the only explanation I can think of, pain. I don’t mean physical pain – broken bones, aftershave on the genitals , that sort of thing. Emotional pain. Sometimes your chest feels as if it’s bulging from within with a glow of happiness, your skin seems to tingle, you must have felt it. If you have, you’ll know how one day the joy passes and you just feel so hollow. We’ve all been dumped, we’ve all been rejected, you may have watched someone, wanting, yearning to hold them in the warm yellow light where everything’s just so… nice. And then there’s pain.
Sometimes I get so attracted so quickly and easily, feeling giddy and yet serene, that cold logic tells me I’ve got to be headed for a fall, I try to scream sense at myself but it’s never any good. And always the ones you feel for most, the perfect ones, the incredible ones… they’re the ones who’ll hurt you most. Maybe a traveller who’ll move on tomorrow or someone from the past who’s already gone, or someone who’s dragged away just as you move close. And this time – it just won’t happen. She stands just ahead of me in her own brilliant light, if I reach for her, I’ll probably get her shadow. And pain…
Don’t feel this is a self pity thing, or a fantastical figment. It could just be a side effect from watching Pretty Woman on a lonely Saturday night.
Ed. Maloney
